will i stand

there shouldn't be anyone reading this post of mine, as i have not been posting for almost a year. i have not been a obedient person for the past year. life have been at a stand still. With every fall i have in my life, i got more injuries on my body, i guess i have reach a point that i might be too afraid to stand up and walk again. No doubt with every fall there is someone around to help me up at the same time there are also people to laugh and mock at me. i really appreciate the people that help me up when i fall. but i cant help it but be bothered by all the negative comments of those who mock at me or even tried to help me but always remind me of my past mistake in a bad manner. No doubt in life there are many type of people we will meet, just that to me, i find that if we truly wants to help someone we will let go of the past and really love the person as the person is at that point of time no matter what the person did in the past. but we are just mere creature make from dust. it will be hard for anyone to do that. Yet in this period of time, i had fallen again just knowing that i am too tired and afraid to stand up anymore.As i think i had enough. Should i just sit there and fade away, or should i just sit there and gather up my strength to walk in the right path with God guiding me the way and not me guiding my own ways.

Life for me has come to a stand still. i have fallen so much that i no longer have any idea how much it hurt my being. God are you there? My name is Zach which means Remembered by the Lord, but God i have fallen so much, do you still remember me??? are you still there with me??? do you still want me as your child??? Can you show me a sign???