Life itself contain many different relationships. Relationship with our family, relationship with our love one, relationship with our friends, relationship with our colleague and many more. Even the relationship we had with the shop keeper down the road. Maintaining a relationship is hard enough but having a good relationship is even harder. It require not just surface interaction, it require a more indepth understanding of the person. But all this can only be achieve if one is willing. I got to admit I too fail at trying to maintain a good relationship with the people around me, but I realize I was not able to. Due to many reason. I am sorry to all that I fail to maintain a good relationship with.

Side note: have you ever wondered what goes thru my head when your phone ring? Is it time for me to really let go? Often you say to me "everyone ask you to stay away from me. Why don't you do it?" I often ask myself do you really want me to do it? I am losing myself slowly. Who am I? Where am I? What do I want? What am I? Do you really understand what is going thru my mind? Do you?!?!? Or is it when I really lose myself then you will abandon ship and grab the next ship nearer to you? Do you know I tried to surpress and repress my feeling and emotion in the past? Now it is not I don't wish to do it. I jut don't wish to be numb about my emotions anymore.

I got no idea

Ever had the feeling of not knowing how to handle someone or somethings?

I am undergoing this phrase at the moment, not knowing how to handle someone and something in life. For that someone, I really have no idea on how to handle you? Or even what to do to make you cool down. Often I wonder am I the one for you? At times you make me feel that I might actually be the one for you.

Life at the present all seem unknown to me, to me now is that I can only move one step at a time, like a little baby learning how to crawl or walk, one small step at a time.

Thank for everyone who had and will be helping me in this process.


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All I wish is to see you smile again.

Everything had come to an end, letting you go will be hard for the both of us, but it is the only way that I can show my love to you. It pain me alot to let you go but all I got to believe is that he is able to give you a better future than me and most importantly will be to see you smile again happily. I sincerely believe he would be able to do it. From here on I would be scare, lost and alone. But it will be my jounery to take. There will be nights that I will cry on my own or even feel lonely but God wil be with me. I don't really know where will life take all of us. But just rmb God has a plan for us. Everything happen for a reason. I really love you. Take care. All the best for you and him.


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Never happily ever after

I refuse to continue walking, so I stopped, sat down and looked back at all my past relationships. Well none of them ended well. My first gf, went out with her for 2 months, and she broke up with me reason due to is school starting. Then after we broke up, she totally treated me like an enemy. Then I stayed single for 1 year or so, concentrating on my o level and basketball. Then come the second gf, been with her for 2 yrs plus, but during the 2 yrs she broke up with me and got back with me alot of times. Reason she broke up with me was very small matter like being late for 5 mins, I prefer to play basketball then to meet her and etc... How we broke up in the end was, I couldn't take it anymore I ask for break up. I was very cruel when I did that, after I told her about the break up in person I left straight away. No matter how hard she cried I didn't turn back. Even if she call I didn't ans or reply to any of the MSG. Even her friends look for me. But I didn't respond to them
Also. Then I went thru singlehood again for abt a year again. Then met third gf, been with her for 2 yr plus too. She Broke up with me. We didn't contact for 2 years. Stayed single for less then a year. Got together with last gf. Together for going to 3 years. Broke up due to the things I have done wrong to her.

All the ex gf I had. Now they either have a loving bf or loving husband being with them, after me. As for the last gf I had, I feel that the one that come after me will be the one for her too, which is also a fact I don't wish to believe in.

Don't really know how long will this no contact last.

Ps: I really got alot of stuff to tell you about my past

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Constantly in your mind?

Who or what is constantly in your mind? Or at least the first to appear in your mind when something go wrong? A guy? somebody very dear to you? best friend? your love ones?. Well I guess whoever it is, he or she must be the one important to you or even close to your heart. Everyone can be with someone all the time or even 24/7 but if the person's mind is alway more eager to receive another's MSG or call, or seem happier to receive another's MSG or call then what use is there to be together? In this period of time who is it that you think about the most? Or can it be A think of B, But B think of C or the other way around.

This entry is mostly question Which I don't even have an answer for. The only answer I had is you are constantly in my mind. Really trying to let go :)

Giving true happiness to you

What is true happiness to you?

• Is it being with the one who is able to provide for all your needs?
• Is it knowing that the person who is with you put you in his constant tots?
• Is it being with the one who always just want to see you happy?
• Is happiness even measure by monetary status?

Happiness to me is simply being able to spend time with the person i love, being there for each other physically and emotionally, spending time doing the things we enjoy doing and being contented with our life.

The me at the present moment is unable to give you any true happiness as compared to the one whom most of the people around you feel is able to give you happiness. The present me always end up doing the wrong things, making you angry with me. I know how you feel about me. I think i should really let you go, then you will be able to see a clearer picture of what you want in life more.

Always Be My Baby

We were as one, babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free, yeah
So I'm letting you fly
'cause I know in my heart, babe
Our love will never die, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry, no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave, girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably,
You'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart, babe
Our love will never end, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back, girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh, oh
I know that you'll be right back, baby
Oh baby, believe me, it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my, my baby

(You'll always be a part of me)
You will always be
(I'm part of you indefinitely
(Girl, don't you know you can't escape me)
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
(And we'll linger on)
We will linger on
(Time can't erase a feeling this strong
(No way, you're never gonna shake me
(Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby)

Always be my baby...

Letting go

It feels hard to let go when one heart don't wish to let it go. Knowing I got to let it all go, as letting go would benefit all of us who is involve. To let go require alot of discipline, determination, strength and courage, if either one is missing it would be hard to let go. I admit I am lack of all four qualities I listed out because I am afraid to wander off into darkness all alone. No doubt there will be friends and family around me, to look after me, or to even help me thru this period of time. But I realize it is about me myself and I again, no one is able to enter into my life if I don't allow them to. Well I am always afraid to open up to people is because I don't wish to be hurt again, I only wish to hear what I want and not what is best for me.

The people around me can only help me to reach a certain stage, I find that what I really got to do is to open the door of my heart to God. Without Him in my life nothing is possible. But I really have no idea how to open up that door to let Him come in.

God, I pray that you will teach me how to open up that door for You to come in, teach me how to open up to the people around me. I thank You Lord for everything that has happen. It just come to show that You still have not given up on me. And You still love me. Amen!


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Unknown Feelings from within

Feeling so strange from within. Wondering is it due to everything that is happening around me? Or is it due to all the things that is slowly surfacing to me which i never knew about? Don't ask me how i feel, Cause all i know is i feel strange neither happy nor sad, neither agitated nor calm, neither nervous nor excited, neither anxious nor patient. It just feel strange to me that is all. All along in my life, I have been hiding under cover, just to protect myself. Recently, people who are closer to me told me that all i think about is ME, Myself and I, they say that i never care about how others feel, everything i do, i just do it to my own benefit. Maybe to some of you out there, you might find that what i post here is also just Me, Myself n I. I dont really have much things to post about this feeling. All i know from within is, I am lost. I am broken due to the path i chose. The path i had chose to walk half year ago had broken many hearts, including the one i love the most. In everything that i did wrong, i slowly push that loving, caring and supporting heart of hers to someone else. I have made everything into a big mess, by involving alot of people into it. Well the final outcome is that, I am unable to provide anything for her now with the state that i am in, unlike the other party who is able to provide her with a bright future. Many a times i really wish to give up, not because i dont love her anymore. It is just because i want her to have the happiness she deserve that is far more.
All that aside, 2010. The year which i will learn to peel off all my cover which have been restricting my growth to my full potential.
My prayer to you God.
God may Your kingdom come, may Your will be done on earth as it is on heaven. God use this broken soul of Yours to help in Your kingdom growth. Take me, mold me, guide me, walk with me. God this journey is going to be tough, Walk with me please God.